michael and i have been throwing around ideas for naming our new space. his current home is xtal and i have always referred to mine as my tower in the sky.

our new space needs a name. in all reality it can not be named until we have spent some time living there and it shows it's character to us. 

but the wheels are turning. here is where my head is and concepts i'm exploring.

we are both fascinated by alchemy
my brain keeps invoking the name archimedes (although aristotle will always be my number 1)
    the more i research  him the more the more drawn to him i am
    he just might be the right archetype for the life we want to build
the decor style we are shooting for is kinda a grown up steampunk, neo victorian, meets new england. 
     lots of raw materials, celebration of wood being wood and iron being iron. however light and not stuffy
     we will be constructing a lot of our own furniture for the space. 
archimedes represented as an owl
i freaking love everything owl
owls have nests
it's a loft! kinda like a nest. this is our nest, our safety, our shelter. 
i am fascinated as to how similar czech is to my own language
in hebrew sova means to eat and be satisfied. i'm going to build up a lot of meaning for that statement. overall 
      satisfaction and contentment. to want for nothing more. everything we need is here. 
i want to get a pet pig and name him archimedes

are you following my train here? thoughts? 



Coming on the Twenty-Ninth

the movers are coming on the twenty-ninth of october and i have started to slowly pack up my little tower in the sky. my home and sanctuary for the past seven years. 

i am having very mixed emotions and it surprises me.

before i launch into explaining my last statement let me preface this with the fact that i have been running a fever for three days, having crazy dreams, and lots of strange things have been happening to people. i got mugged. the mugging itself was not that bad but the fact that it took place a block away from the new home the day we singed out lease gives me pause.

let me also make note of the fact that michael is out of town working. around the clock and sparsely available. i think his being, his mere presence would calm me down and chase away and irrational fears i might be having.

furthermore my state boards are the day after i move. the amount of anxiety i have surrounding it is slightly crushing. right now my life hinges on it and i am determined not to fail.

so back to mixed emotions.

i have nothing but the purest of ideals for us making a home together. since the first time we talked about it i have been filled with nothing but joy and excitement about the very notion. strip it down, this is us making a home together. that's pure and amazing. and i simply adore the way michaels eyes light up when we are discussing ideas about our home. when i think of us having a home its a light and airy place. joy lives there. trust lives there. happiness lives there. creativity, imagination, freedom all live there too. it is a place of comfort and protection. it is a place of refuge. it gives great hugs. there is love and honesty in the living room and compassion in the kitchen. it is filled with wind chimes and refracting rainbows and bare foot dancing. there is sunshine and candle light. this home is playful. from this place we build our lives.

i have been in my own current home for the better part of three days on end due to this fever. slight packing has happened.  actually i do not have all that much to pack. i have a strange non attachment to things and don't really place a lot of sentimental value on objects. so i have been sorting through seven years of stuff, deciding what to keep and what to remove from my consciousness. it has effected me in a strange way and it has made me think about what my home has meant to me. i think about the different me's that have occupied this space. i think about how this space has sheltered me and the routines of my life that it has shaped. i am in a way grieving for the end of this part of my life as i move on to what is before me. i find this fitting and healthy. i am enjoying the quite contemplation and the space to be alone here. 

the day after the move michael will be gone again. for six weeks. i will be alone in a new space with boxes from which i will begin building a home.

i have taken comfort in the familiar and it's a hard thing to let go. i know what my life looks like if i stay still but what happens when i move forward. is it safe? will i be hurt? it takes a lot of trust to give up some independence and merge a life with another. it takes a lot of trust to know that you can relay on someone and that they want you to relay on them.  to entwine in these ways. it takes work to always approach each other with kindness and respect in a space both people occupy. the ego must be set aside.    

i will walk into life with my head held high and ready to embrace. idealism will be manifested if i disallow fear to nag at me. my soul is on fire with the potential of creation. this has the makings of something pure and beautiful if we choose it so.

in the mean time i will continue to enjoy the sunsets from my home.

what will they skies look like from our new view?


A Beautiful Bowl of Soup

october. last year by the end of you i was falling apart. my world had dropped out from underneath my feet. the universe has some lessons it needed to teach me. i was a mess with paralyzing panic attacks. i had crumpled into a miserable ball of loneliness with a shattered heart. the pain was immense and i temporally lost my sense of self. 

the me of last october was unaware that the me of this october could even exist. but her i am. confident, self assured, graduated from school, surrounded by fulfilling activities, and about to start making a home with the man i love. more comfortable in my own skin then ever before.  i relearned how to love myself by choosing to love myself.

now, i am happy but i am not naive. history has taught me to proceed with caution, stand on my own two feet, and take time for things that are fulfilling to me. i want to have faith that other human beings posses true compassion and unconditional love. i want to have faith that people won't turn their backs on one another to follow hurtful and selfish desires. i want to approach the people in my life with kindness and understanding free of judgment. most of all i want to trust. this has not come easy and i work on it daily but i choose to open myself to these things.

i have reconstructed my world and it is one filled with joy, laughter, imagination, and wonder. it is a world with the right ingredients and the freedom to be myself. i choose to be happy.

october is a good month to start making soups, break out the sweaters, and watch the leaves change colors. fall came to chicago while i was in new york in full force. michael and i were delighted to be home after two weeks of living in a hotel and more so jonesing for a nice home cooked meal. something the two of us would create together with thought and attention.

our meal turned out quite well. so i would like to share the recipes for all to enjoy.

this is the rosemary bread we made. we also added roasted pumpkin seed which ground up and sprinkled into the dough.

this is the chestnut soup but we used a silk creamer instead of half and half to make it vegan.


there has been a strange energy to this month so far. some negativity had been around. people i care about are having crises. this is a very important month for me. a month that i need to succeed and for things to go smoothly. a lot of pressure is on me passing my state boards. my cousins wedding is momentous. in addition i want the first days in our new home to be joys and airy.

so how about we turn this energy around? lets take care of one another. lets settle down and settle in. lets focus on whats important.

send out some love.